Thoughts on Kids

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Clarence Darrow

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

Bill Maher

To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

Ernest Hemingway

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

Quentin Crisp

There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.

Benjamin Spock

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

Nancy Mitford

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller